Rain rain rain

I know this sounds odd, but I love the rain! It's just pouring outside right now, and I'm just itching to be at home, curled up on the swing on my back porch, just writing away in my notebook. I get the best inspiration on rainy days like this. When I finally get a place of my own, as long as I have a covered back porch with a porch swing, I'll be happy. I'm just ready to curl up with a good book!



What about you? What's your favorite kind of weather?

Love Letter - Nick Cave

God, I love this song....

Life, Love, and All the Rest...

I'm sitting here in my bed, thinking. Thinking about love. About life in general. I'm only 21, and to me, that seems so young by comparison. I have my whole life ahead of me! A life that I can accomplish all my dreams, travel the world, find an enduring love that will last a lifetime. I spent the day with my best friend today, and she told me something. She said that after a year of marriage to her husband, she's finally starting to really fall in love with her husband. He had to be away this weekend, so she stayed with her mom, and she said for the first time, she really missed him while he was gone. I've heard from so many of my married friends tell me that love isn't those feelings you get when you know you're going to get to see them, or when they say they love you, and that fluttery feeling you get. It's simply wanting to be with them. It's when they make you so angry, you just want to hit them, and yet, you still want to be near them. It's being friends and knowing what the other one is thinking and feeling, and understand them.

I just want the chance to feel that way myself. I feel like I've found that person I can fall that deeply in love with, I just want the chance to find out. It started out so simply. We were such good friends. Somewhere in the middle of our long conversations, and laughing at each other's stupid jokes, and pouring our hearts out, telling each other our secrets, hopes, fears, heartaches, and so much more...we fell in love. I've found that there are two different kind of loves. There's the giddy, happy love. The "feel good" love. And then there's the love that stays, even when the feelings are gone. When you're angry at each other, and you'd give anything to slap them silly, and deep down, you know you still love that person.

I'll go for days thinking, "I'm not going to do this, I can't put myself through this again...," and then I'll find myself thinking about him, wondering how his day is going, if he's having a good day, hoping he's not having another fight with his parents, or not too stressed about trying to move out, or if he's being safe when he spends time with his friends. And if he's thought of me that day. If I'll hear from him soon, wishing I could read him better. Heh. He's the first person I couldn't read like a book, and it drives me crazy. And intrigues me. If I haven't heard from him in a couple days, I miss him. I'll wake up in the middle of the night, wishing so badly he were there next to me, feeling so alone because he's NOT there, I just want to cry at times.

Don't get me wrong, I'm normally a very rational, logical person. I'm the one my friends come to for advice with their own relationships. I'm normally cool, calm, and collected, and I don't let my heart get the best of me. That's not the case now. He has my heart in a very precarious situation, and I often fear that I'm not going to be enough, and he'll leave me in pieces. Then I remember this whole other element of our relationship I've never had before: Friendship. I can really say he's counted as one of my dearest friends, and I cherish that.

I don't know where this will end up, but I pray that we both have the courage to give it a chance to see where this can take us. I truly think this is the real thing, and that kind of love doesn't come around all that often, and I don't want to chance missing out. I hope he feels the same way.

What truly is a life?

Abortion. Have you ever thought of it? I was discussing this subject with some friends earlier today, and it really got me thinking.

One point I brought up is the option of adoption upon the birth of the child. How would this not be the most logical solution? We all have to remember that when we choose to have sex, we must accept responsibility for those actions. And that could mean the possiblity of an unplanned pregnancy. Once that occurs, your life is no longer about yourself, you have another life that depends on you to make the right decision. And you can't simply think about what you want or what's right for you, you have to consider what is right and best for that child. This is where I simply cannot condone abortion.

However, I don't feel that abortion should be illegal. Because then you have young teenagers who are scared and don't want to have a child, and insist on an abortion. They'll either 1. go to a blackmarket clinic (which would end up being in the back of some sleezy alley or something and the person would know little to nothing about medical procedure and take the risk of killing the girl and her baby), and she would be charged upwards of $1000 of dollars. OR 2. she would attempt to abort the child herself, and kill herslef in the process. Either way, restricted birth control laws are much more ideal than abolishing it altogether.

What are your thoughts on this topic?? Anyone??

GOD is my everything

This drama absolutely describes how far I've come in my life. God awakened me, spiritually, and gave me new life. And in the course of my life, I've done and experienced things that I have taken me away from him. However, he's always been there waiting for me, and when I would get in too deep, he'd be there to chase away anything that would harm me. He's been my father, my best friend, my companion, lover of my soul, my EVERYTHING.

BOOKS!

Ok, so my utmost passion in life (other than writing of course!) is reading. You can't beat a rainy day with nothing to do, and a good book.

Right now I'm working on the Discworld book, The Color of Magic. It's so funny! The best discription I've heard of Twoflower is a little Japanese tourist. And it's so true! He doesn't really get anything, and he thinks everything is purely for his entertainment. And the way Rincewind gets so frustrated with him is great.

Has anyone else ever read it? What about the other books?

Also, as I'm an English major, I'm really getting into the classics, and I've recently purchased Paradise Lost. I've read a bit of it and really enjoyed it. The way Satan is portrayed really caught my attention. Can't wait to delve into it! I also have Dante's Divine Comedy I've yet to get all the way thru. One of these days!

What are your favorite books? Any insight into these? Any suggestions for my next read? Feedback, please!

March!

So...March is almost over. It's been a pretty crazy year thus far. I ended up not taking classes this semester, so now I'm just working full time. At a job that is driving me nuts! I work with great people for the most part...except for one woman who doesn't seem to want to do anything. And guess who gets the slack? Your's truly. Lovely. Compound that with gas prices going up...I'm getting ready to quit. *sigh* On the job hunt again.

Easter was...disappointing. We didn't have a family dinner like we normally do, because our family is pretty much split down the middle, because my cousin is addicted to drugs, his wife is also a druggie, and they have a little girl who is stuck in the middle of it. It's tearing our family apart, because no one wants to talk to anyone right now. So, my parents, my aunt and uncle, and my other cousin all went to a Mexican restaurant and that was our Easter dinner. How quaint.

However, I'm trying my hardest to be positive. I have a great family, and I know we'll get out of this funk. It'll work itself out eventually. The great thing about family is, no matter where you go, what you do, you always have them there for you. Time, space, and actions don't change the fact that they are your family.

College...I am only taking two classes this summer, and they're both online. That will be nice enough. At least I can get a job and work full time and make more money. I talked to my advisor yesterday evening and I'm planning on getting ahold of another local college that does study abroad programs (as mine does not) and look into it. I'd love to take a semester in England. I think some time away would do me good. It would definitely broaden my perspective of things I think.

MEH, anyway, not much to say here, and honestly don't see how anyone could bother to read this. Have to get some of my writing up here soon. I'd like to start on my book soon. I want to write about a girl who was adopted (like me!) and goes in search of her roots. As I don't know when I'll ever get to do so myself, or if I'll even have the nerve to.

Anyway, I hope no one is too terribly bored, I'll try to post some of my freewriting on my stories up here and such. BLAH BLAH BLAH. :P