Random thoughts

The windows are open. The cool evening breeze floats through my room. Crickets sing their quiet, lazy melody, slowly lulling their listeners into a peaceful slumber. The occasional passing of cars, revving of motors, or old tires bumbling over the old brick paved streets in front of my house.

Where has my muse gone? Where has my inspiration gone? What was my muse? Where have I gone? Life has become so distorted of late, I'm not sure what to think of anything anymore.
What truly is right, or wrong? Have I changed too much lately? Am I different from the girl that used to believe in people, in the goodness of others? Yes, I'd have to say I have. I'm not the young, naive girl I once was. I'm not innocent as I was, even just a year ago. Life changes, and we get older, wiser. I don't regret what I've come to learn, how I've come to see the world around me. Why is it that no one else can accept me for the person I am becoming? What's so wrong with this new woman being formed? Is it so wrong to want to experience some things myself, rather than hear about it second hand? When will I get the chance to break free of this mold that others have placed me in?

I don't want to be limited to a cookie-cutter Christian life. I love God above all else, but I want to find my own way to him, make my own mistakes, take my own chances. I don't want to simply slip into a mold of an idea someone else has set up for what my own life should be like. I'm not perfect, and I won't pretend to be, tired of trying to be. I make mistakes, and I'll continue doing so. The beauty of it all is that God loves me despite of that, and I don't have to follow someone else's design for my life, I can follow his. HE knows the desires of my heart, and he wants to fulfill them.

When will I get to live MY life, instead of living it for others? When will you see me, for ME, and love me, for ME, and not for who you think I ought to be? I'm not perfect, but then God doesn't expect me to be. So why should you?