Full Circle

Well, it looks like I'm back where I started. Classes start in a week, and I'll be going back to campus. Looking back on the past year, it's incredible to see how far I've come, and how far I have to go. Sometimes I wonder if I've made any progress at all. Then I look behind me, and I realize that I've come farther in the past year, in so many ways, than I've ever come in all my life. I barely even resemble the naive girl that stepped onto the NSU campus last year. I don't even know her anymore, and part of me thinks that's a good thing, and another part finds it to be a terrifying realization. I'm in a time of my life where change is a good thing. Growth and evolution is formidable to who I will become. If I can't adapt to my environment, I'll never truly be the person I have the potential to become.

And yet...I see how much I haven't changed. I still have those same weaknesses, those same stumbling blocks, all the same vices. I wonder when I'll sincerely be able to say that I've overcome those things that cause me to falter. I want so desperately to become something more than I am, but I fear I'll never have the strength to do so.

And then there's him. After my last fiasco, I didn't think I'd ever even consider dating again. Well, I'm not considering it now. He's such a wonderful person, and such a good friend. And it's strange, because he was always there, sort of in the shadows. I never considered him as anything more than a casual acquaintance, but in the past couple weeks, he's become a lot more. I look forward to hearing his voice, and hate to hear him say he has to go. I feel exhilarated when I'm with him, like it's the most comfortable, natural thing. I don't know how this will develop, or if it even will, but I can afford to be patient enough to give it and him the time needed to see.

In all, this has been a very difficult year, but more than that, a year that I have learned so much in, and after it's all been said and done, I wouldn't want to trade what I've learned for anything. Life, in all it's heartache and frustrations, is truly good at the core.